As the curtain closes.....

We closed the show last night. We said good bye to our seniors and wish them well as they go off to college. There were tears and laughter and more tears. And we all hope that everyone stays in touch.....

At the end of every show it is always emotional. Are you ever going to see these people again? Are they going to be in the next show you work on? Most start out as strangers but before long they are part of your family. In six short weeks we saw relationships start and relationships end.

Most stay in touch after a show. A few texts here and emails there. But otherwise in a couple of months those seem to stop. BUT there are some who keep in touch long after the play ends. THOSE are the ones that become family.

A theater family is a special kind of family. They are the ones that will go to all your plays and tell you EXACTLY what they thought. They hold nothing back when it comes to your performance because they know exactly what you are capable of. They are the ones you call in the middle of the night because the "new" cast you are working with have made you misrable. They are the ones that you want to call first to share the news that you got a lead or you have a solo piece in the next play. And if you have meet your "theater family" hold on tight to them because in the end you need them and they need you.

But always remember .... There will always be another show.

An Emotional Day

So I was an emotional wreck yesterday. I was driving to work crying cause J left me, nobody wanted to date me, and i have no mountain dew. I know I know.....

But really makes this laughable is it all started because I did not have any Mountain Dew to take to work. Within ten minutes I convinced myself that nobody loves me, that it was all my fault for J being unhappy in the marriage, that I will never be good enough for anyone. And I was pathetic because I forgot to buy my daily Mountain Dew.

It came down to that I was just mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. Everyone kept texting me all day and told me that everything was okay and I was loved and someone was out there for me. But at that point all I could see was that I was a single mother of 3 struggling to raise her kids. No husband (so that prince charming happily ever after is just crap). And I still did not have any Mountain Dew (that one was actually at the top of the list).

So I cried all day at work. I cried cause I only had enough money to buy one Mountain Dew out of the vending machine. I cried cause I drank all my Mountain Dew and did not have any more money on me to buy another one. I cried cause I only had two pudding cups in my purse (which I ate while crying). I cried cause my boss left an empty box in my office. Then I cried when he wanted the box back. So yeah... it was a really bad day. I did not even cry this much when my dad died.... *sigh*

So I picked up the kids from daycare. Rented a couple of movies and ordered a couple of pizzas for the kids. We had ate dinner and started to watch movies... and I started to fall asleep. In the end I slept off and on for 14 hours.

This morning I felt better. Not great but better. We had lunch with my sister and niece. We had a great rehearsal for Happy Days. I took the kids to the mall and just kinda hung out there for a while. Then I took Steven over to a friends house so he could spend time there for awhile. I talked to the mom for awhile (we are friends). Then I brought the girls home and I took a long hot bath and realized .... Life might suck A LOT but in the end it works out.

I might not have someone to hold me when I am having a bad day or a nightmare. But what I do have is friends that love me (I get told it on a daily basis). I have the greatest kids anyone can ask for (most of the time). And a 2 two liters of Mountain Dew in the fridge unopened.

So my thought for tonight.... I wonder if there is someone for me. And if he is out there have i meet him yet? Did i scare him off with my honesty?

Susie Homemaker

I was on the phone today with a friend while I was at the grocery store and I was talking about what we were going to have for dinner tonight. Which by the way is frozen chicken nuggets and french fries. Then we got to talking about how I have invited him over for dinner but never showed so I stopped inviting. He got really serious and said "I know. I know. And I know that I have an open invite to your house at anytime I just have to show up." And I told him that was right it might only being frozen dinners that night but he can always show up when he wanted to.

When I got home and was unpacking the food I looked around the house. The first thought that came into my mind was "okay the house is clean. If he just showed up tonight it is okay. But there is NO telling what tomorrow night will look like." I tried to have the spotless house ..... That lasted for a whole 5 minutes. With 3 kids and me working two jobs there is no way the house is EVER going to be spotless (unless I have a live in maid).

I know I am not Susie homemaker either. Our dinners are usually either frozen or come from a box. Now do not get me wrong I LOVE to cook! It is just we do not have the time for me to make a 3 course meal every night. And with 3 kids it is hard to find something that everyone is going to like. So we usually need up eating the same thing over and over again.

But what I do know is that my kids are healthy and happy. Oh and if anyone is reading this and IS a Susie homemaker can you please tell me how you do it???? Or if someone wants to come over and clean my house and make us dinner everyone night for free go ahead email me :)

You wanna know the worest thing about being single? Not having someone to cuddle with at the end of the night..... Just a random thought.

I know i am tired when... One. I crawl under the blankets and could give a rats ass if i am lonely tonight or not. Two. I just put on the first thing i find for jps and hope it is mine and not one of the kids. And Three. I left my mountain dew in the over room and i could care less. Nighty night.

hey kids can I date?

My soon to be ex-husband left me 8 months ago. Sometimes it has been lonely but mostly I have managed.

So today I sat down with my son and asked him what he thought of me dating again. He looked me in the eyes and said... "NO". Well that shocked me. When I asked him why he said that he said he did not want me to date because he is afraid that the guy will want us to move in with him and my son did not want to move. Even after explaining that we would not be moving even IF I started dating seriously. And the only time we would move is if I married the guy. And I would have to date for years before I married again. EVEN after all of that my son still does not want me to date.

I love my kids so much. They are my world. But sometimes I want more. I want to be loved again. I want to have someone that wakes up and calls me beautiful and means it. I want a guy to look at me and say I Love You just because he wanted to say it. Not because it is habit or he wants sex. But as I looked at my son and saw his face when he said "NO" I knew that it will be a long time before I enter the dating scene. Which means it is going to be a really long time before I find my Mr. Right.

So to all the couples out there that are reading this *raises my wine glass* here is a wish to you for all the happiness. And to all the single people out there *raising my wine glass* I hope you find your happiness. Everyone deserves to wake up with a "I love you".